WHINE ALERT! If you hate self-absorbed whining, read no further. I shall post something happier tomorrow.
A former colleague of mine at the newspaper where I worked for 25 years posted a photo of me (above) on Facebook taken in the newsroom about 15 years ago, when I was the assistant city editor. I was 38 years old at the time.
I really wish he hadn't posted it.
See, it's generated some comments about how "old" I've become in the intervening years, as though I might have somehow become "younger" instead. Now if you can do math, you now know that I am 53 years old. Not "old-old" - but sure as hell not young either.
I have a confession to make: I am vain. I worry about my looks and spend far too much time at the gym, when I ought to be here at the computer writing. I used to dye my hair, but four years ago I let it go and now it's silver on the sides and salt-and-pepper on top (see my more current photo in my profile at right).
I hate getting old. I really do. All of my life, I looked far younger than I was. There were times I hated it (like getting carded buying cigarettes at 40!) and times I relished it. But sometime in the past few years, my hard living caught up to me. See, I don't like to just waste time in life. I like to live it, to the hilt.
My wife thinks I'm nuts. She swears I'm more attractive now, but then again, she IS my wife.
But the comments hurt. They do. And they worry me, because I am trying to become a published author and being old isn't exactly a selling point. Or at least, that's what I fear. I realize we don't attach photos to our queries, and when I had the chance to meet agents in person, I did quite well.
But still ....
My joints ache sometimes. Especially after working out. Or reading. Or, you know, just getting out of bed. My waistline isn't what it used to be, although it's not as bad as it COULD be.
I have crinkly wrinkles around my eyes that I didn't have two or three years ago. Thank God I still have my hair, but I suppose it could start going at any time. My eyesight is so bad I damn near didn't pass my driver's test last month. It will be the final one before I have to take it with my glasses on. Damn it. I hate my glasses. They make me look old. Of course, they also make it possible to actually, you know, see.
I got injured on this last mission trip, and it still amazes me. I really ain't a kid anymore, and I'm starting to realize that I had better start taking more precautions.
It sucks.
The problem is, I look in the mirror and I still see the same guy looking back at me. I still feel (and act) like a teenager. I love music and video games and I call everyone "Dude." I'm the cool dad that all my kids' friends like.
But still, it's happening. I'm getting older.
So that's where I am today. Feeling all down and depressed because I'm old and people have been mocking me about it. The bastards. And those mocking me are all older than I am. Go figure.
Sigh. I suppose it beats the alternative, which is dying young.
My question to you is this: How old is too old to become a first-time author? Would an agent or a publisher take a chance on a 53 year old?
OK. Gotta run. My back is killing me. And I need to go chase some damned kids off my lawn.
Not too long ago, there was a woman who is 73 who became a published author. So, she's got 20 years on you. and if you want a real laugh, I'll send you some before and afters of me. You think you got wrinkles (around the eyes! around the eyes!) and I'm only 4 years younger than you come April. So shut up.
ReplyDeleteWe all get old Ter. And your wife is right, you're better looking now than you were back then. Men always age more charismatically than women. Just think Cary Grant.
Thanks Anne. I actually wrote this to (finally) embrace my age publicly and move on. I've been kind of vague about it in the past.
ReplyDeleteI'm 53. See? It's getting easier already.
Sigh. ;)
My philosophy is this: You're not old until you start taking on the characteristics of a baby again. You know, unable to feed yourself, unable to go anywhere without making sure you have your diaper on. That kind of stuff.
ReplyDeleteAs far as writing goes, I really don't think age matters. Well, unless age has brought on senility and all your writing is concluded with something to the effect of "I like grapes." But those are extreme cases. And at 53, you aren't even close to the age when you have to start worrying about it. :)
I'm 44 and what I've lost physically, I've gained in perspective and understanding. My 20 year old self didn't know enough to write something interesting.My 20 year old self was sort of into navel-gazing and faaahhhhncy words. Nowadays, I feel like I can be just a teeny tad bit wise... or at least interesting.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Anne. Think Cary Grant. ;)
ReplyDelete38 year olds are just old enough to think they aren't stupid. Embrace the silver, Terry. A friend recently told me that he had the job he did BECAUSE of it, not in spite of it. Something to think about.
I'll be totally honest, because you should know by now I always am. The above picture? You look like a dweeb. You're seven thousand times better looking now. Age happens. Deal with it. I'm only 36 and the Wii says I've the body of a 72 year old, so there.
ReplyDeleteAh, Terry.
ReplyDeleteSeamus saw his old friend Tom hobbling by with his cane. "How're ye doin', man? Ya look like hell."
Tom barked a laugh, "Ah, Seamus. It's better to look like Hell, than to be in it."
I think you are hot, really hot. Don't look in the mirror--it's just a piece of cheap glass with silver paint on the back. Trust what you know to be true.
I know exactly what you mean. I am 43 and only recently came to writing, feeling that I am already late to the game. It's hard to feel like the same old young person inside but to have a body that just won't do the things it used to. And it's pathetic to see kids in their twenties complaining about being too old in the writing game.
ReplyDeletegray hair is an honor- like battle scars. it's a sign that you've lived. while living, you've aquired wisdom and experience, ideas and craft. every year that you've lived is like an extra arrow in that quiver as you battle the publishing monster. be proud of your 53 years, dude! and i agree with the other ladies- modern terry is way better looking that past terry (although he looks way younger than 38). you just need to smile. oh! and my hubby is 30 and is already losing his hair, and had the crow's feet when i met him when he was 20. crow's feet are damn hot.
ReplyDelete(1) Your wife is under no obligation to say nice things about you that she doesn't really feel. Just the opposite. So believe it.
ReplyDelete(2) Most attempts to look younger make a person look worse. Especially if they keep going and going.
(3) Many of us are not attracted to youth.
(4) Maybe I'm naive, but writing seems like it would be the last thing for which it would be advantageous to be young. Of course, I'm almost done with my first novel, and I'm 57, but seriously, I've never heard of that. I am a much better writer now than I would have been earlier in life, when I would have been derivative and false.
(5) Try going through menopause and having all your hormones kick your ass and head out the door all at once. You look old so damn suddenly it's really hard to get all upset about. Oh, well, I guess that's that, you say. Then you can quit wasting time with this petty nonsense and get down to business. Screw people who are staring at your neck, I say.
I'm almost 40, and every now and again I come across a blogger who's in her mid or late 20's going, "Oh, am I too old to become published?" and I'm like, "Shut up!!!!"
ReplyDelete(And you're probably thinking, "Shut up, Lydia.")
So basically--no, you're not too old to write. If it makes you feel any better, you look way younger than your age.
;)
Ugh, I'm so late to this post, but I'm still throwing in my two cents so here it is.
ReplyDeleteONE: I've met you (not just online, but in person) and I would never have guessed you were already past the big 5-0. So rest assured, despite however you may feel on the inside, it doesn't show to the rest of the world!
TWO: 53 is a perfectly fine age to become a published writer for the first time. The different between writers and the rest of the world is we don't have a "retire" date. We write until we don't feel like doing it anymore or we die -- usually the latter. God willing, you have several writing decades left in you and no agent is going to turn away from you because you're not twenty-three.
So hopefully you're done feeling sorry for yourself so I don't have to come over there and yell at you! :D
Have you gone into hiding? Come out from under the rock, and claim victory over the age-thing. Did you buy a hot car? Did you start a gym membership? Did you go to a spray-tanning place? Dyed your hair? If you can answer "no" to most of those things, then you are doing just fine!
ReplyDeletePeoria? I grew up southwest from there, near Quincy. Weather absolutely stinks.
Age sucks. But men have it better than women. Men gain character (they say, and I hope) when they age -- women just look older. Not to me, but to themselves in the mirror.
ReplyDeleteAs for the agent -- don't tell them your age unless they ask. They do want to know that you have more than one novel in you. The 73 year old woman, who is a sweetheart, by the way, wrote a memoir -- you want someone who has lived to write a memoir.
But really, fifty is the new forty these days. To which my best friend, Sandra, says, "Oh so, now "dead" is the new "I'm not feeling well?"
C.S. Lewis didn't get first published until he was past your age. Keep active, keep a positive spirit, and you will succeed -- at least in living each moment that is granted you, Roland
"...damned kids off my lawn..."!!!
ReplyDeleteTsk, tsk. Looking old's no problem. Acting like a grumpy old man is. But as my guy says, "Getting old beats the alternative."
Don't you think?
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DUDE. 53 is not old! I am 24, my husband is 40, and I certainly wouldn't consider him old at 53. :)
ReplyDeleteThis resonated with me. I'm 59 and wondering if I'll be passed by due to ageism. I've wanted to write for decades and have actually written a good number of manuscripts, but never tried to get them published. I was always too busy raising kids and having a career to taking time to really hone my craft.
ReplyDeleteNow I'm looking toward retirement and wondering if I waited too long to get really serious about it. But I am forging ahead nonetheless. What else am I going to do in retirement, besides fly all over the country in my husband's homebuilt airplane, and enjoy the grandkids and so on?