tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6169933482075695962.post5124334214014499611..comments2024-03-23T07:00:34.433-05:00Comments on A Writer of Wrongs: Strengthening a sceneTerry Toweryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13840835964828394622noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6169933482075695962.post-82196231302202515012010-01-25T22:33:13.789-06:002010-01-25T22:33:13.789-06:00"Simple changes?" Are you kidding? I rea..."Simple changes?" Are you kidding? I really liked your rewrite, and can now clearly see and feel the difference. Hang in there. Good job.Jerrynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6169933482075695962.post-20624432971786515012010-01-20T16:06:04.292-06:002010-01-20T16:06:04.292-06:00Alright McQuein, you're .... um ...
... exac...Alright McQuein, you're .... um ... <br /><br />... exactly right. Changes made. ;)<br /><br />Wow. I need a beta reader like you. Seriously.Terry Toweryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13840835964828394622noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6169933482075695962.post-78803074263381516332010-01-20T15:55:25.001-06:002010-01-20T15:55:25.001-06:00Editing... GAH!!!! The torture device of choice in...Editing... GAH!!!! The torture device of choice inflicted on writers.<br /><br />The second paragraph does a better job of telling, but there's still a bit of slack in it. Try ditching "lightweight" before "umbrella" and see if it doesn't sound better without the extra syllables. And it may be nitpicky, but I'd switch "wet shoes" for "shoes dry". (We know the shoes are wet because it's raining, so calling them wet reads redundant. Stamping them dry accomplishes the same action without the repition.)<br /><br />I'll stop shredding your edits now and slink back to my corner. :-PJosin L. McQueinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05751043333147850336noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6169933482075695962.post-87427934001165414772010-01-20T14:42:02.225-06:002010-01-20T14:42:02.225-06:00It's amazing how a few words can change a whol...It's amazing how a few words can change a whole scene and make it much more descriptive in the readers mind. It sounds like you're working with a sharp editor, which can make all the difference in the world. Good luck with the tightening and editing!Marty Wombacherhttp://www.aguywalksinto365bars.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6169933482075695962.post-87540002601207489922010-01-19T21:07:54.486-06:002010-01-19T21:07:54.486-06:00That was a hard lesson for me to learn. Nicely don...That was a hard lesson for me to learn. Nicely done!Kristyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16843060336452856402noreply@blogger.com