Sunday, April 11, 2010

Nice guys really do finish last

First off, let me say this: I'm not a golf fan. I don't play the game anymore, not since one memorable Saturday afternoon when I sheathed my clubs, told my best friend I was never playing again and came home.

Let's just say I had a bad day on the links and we'll leave it at that.

Eight years later, the clubs are still out in the garage. The only time I've even touched them was to clean the garage, and trust me, that doesn't happen nearly as often as it should.

I did not watch the Masters. Not during baseball season. Not when I can watch my Cubs once again snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. All day today, I was wondering what I could blog about, since I'm not about to whine again about how nervous I am that eight people out there are reading my manuscript -- and the silence is deafening.

Aaaarrgggghhhhh. I suuuuucccccckkkkkkk!!!!!!

There. I feel better. Now, what was I saying? Oh yeah, golf, the Masters. Tiger Woods. Phil Mickelson.

See, everyone thought Tiger Woods was a nice guy. He sure seemed like he was a nice guy, with that boyish grin of his and all. But no, it turns out he's nothing but a lying, sneaking weasel of a guy who treated his wife and kids much like I treated my golf clubs (although I'm pretty sure Tiger didn't heave one of his children into a duck pond like I did my putter. But that's another story).

Tiger came back this weekend and played the Masters. And he was doing pretty well, considering all the time he's spent in rehab lately. I mean, when did the guy actually find time to play golf? Sheesh.

But today, Tiger choked. And Phil Mickelson won. And, by all accounts, Phil Mickelson is a nice guy. Doesn't cheat on his wife (who has cancer), is a great dad, a good guy, smiles at fans, etc. You know, a regular guy.

So a good guy finally won.

Of course, the last time I checked, Phil Mickelson didn't have multi-million dollar endorsement deals. And then I saw this headline on Twitter tonight:

Tiger Woods finishes fourth; Mickelson wins Masters.

So poor Phil Mickelson, the nice guy, the damned winner, plays second fiddle in a headline to a cheating bastard who finishes fourth? Really? And to add insult to injury, he doesn't even get his first name mentioned in the headline?

So I did some checking and guess what? Tiger gets top billing pretty much everywhere. Now I'm hearing rumors that Tiger Woods is thinking about writing a book. How do you think that's going to go? Think he'll sell a few million copies?

It'll probably be right there on the shelf at Borders next to books by that weird couple that crashed the state dinner at the White House and that damned Kate Gosselin.

Oh, and that bizarre unmarried woman who had a gazillion kids and just signed up for a reality show, as did the weird dinner-crashing couple.

What a world.

NOTE: I'm a little crabby today. Sorry for the rant. :)


  1. The new generation: If your a loser and a f*** up, you can be famous.

    Come on kids, get pregnant at 16 and we'll give you a show, have eighty bajillion kids and we'll give you a show and once your uterus falls out we'll make a show about that too, be a cackling rich bitch, with friends of the like and we'll give you a show, cheated on your wife with thirty seven hoe-bags? We'll make ya famous! Shoot dope in gas station bathrooms with syringes you found next to the sewer cover, come get on a show.

    Oh for chrissakes Terry, don't get me started!

    There are a few topics that I'm not allowed to talk about in public, this is one of them.

    I talk with my hands as it is, when I get worked up it's not a pretty scene. The vein in my neck sticks out, I can't sit still, I get louder and louder and talk faster and faster.

    I'm starting to sweat over here.


    Word Verification: NONONESS

    This is a bunch of no-no-ness

  2. Oh yeah. Sorry to get you riled up, Gina, but I'm the same way. You should have seen the first draft of this post, BEFORE I cleaned it up! ;)

  3. Oh, and I FORGOT about the Balloon Boy and his weird family! Yikes.

  4. I find it sad that we pay homage to these people by giving them their own shows so that they can spread the disease into millions of homes across the country... I don't get it.

  5. Don't feel too bad about your Cubbies. Six games into the season and my team's already blown three 8th inning leads. If it weren't for Houston, the Orioles would have the worst record in all of baseball. *sigh*

    It is sad that it seems like the nice guys (girls too, look at poor Sandra Bullock) always finish last. Then again, there isn't much America likes more than to build celebrities out of nothing and then tear them back down. It's more "fun" to focus on Tiger, because he's disgraced now.

  6. It kills me when I hear that people like Tiger Woods is "writing" a book. Here's what really happens, some ghostwriter gets a hundred grand to write it, Tiger goes on Oprah and cries, she holds the book up and three trillion people buy it. Ecccchh!

  7. Drat, I left a comment but it must have gotten eaten.

    I LOVE golf and was thrilled that Phil won the Master's. Tiger should have just stayed in his hole where he belongs.