When (and how) to ask for help.

As most of you know, I'm in the midst of querying for my completed novel, The Devil You Don't Know.

It's not pretty.

In fact, querying reminds me a little of gym class back I was a freshman in high school. I dreaded going to my 3rd hour class that year, because I knew what was going to happen before I ever got there. My stepfather was a police officer, so I had a target on my back. I remember thinking that I might as well just shove my own head into the locker room garbage can and save the seniors the trouble.

In other words, it seemed pointless and fruitless -- and I knew how it was going to go before I even got there -- but I kept going because, well, because I had to. Querying is like that for me. I'll bet it is for most of you, too.

I sent one query Thursday to an agent who reps my genre and whose web site said is actively looking for new writers. Swell, I thought, and sent that baby off. She also requested the first 50 pages of the manuscript along with the query, which thrilled me to no end. So I copied and pasted and sent it off.

Four minutes later, I received a form rejection. Four freaking minutes! Either my query flat out sucks, or that woman is the world's fastest reader.

Sigh.

Like many of us, I suffer from crippling self-doubt. Big-time, serious self-doubt. Tell me my novel is really good and I guarantee you I will think you are lying to me. I don't know why I'm this way, I just am. And I deal with it. But it makes it hard to work in a business like publishing in the year 2010, when rejection isn't just a possibility but a fricking lifestyle.

I talked to one of the final three beta readers who are going through TDYDK today and he seems to genuinely like it. That should make me feel better. But I got my seventh form rejection from a prospective agent at 6:30 this morning. Do these people not sleep? Do agents really get up that early, just to ruin my day? Good Lord. (Okay, I'm kind of kidding here. It didn't ruin my day. I mean, come on. The Cubs finally won. Nothing could ruin my day).

Asking for help from anyone is very, very difficult for me. In fact, it's damned near impossible. See, I'm the one who is always helping other people. I was a professional journalist for a long, long time. An editor. A mentor to dozens of journalism interns and young reporters. I shouldn't need help. See?

Bullshit. I need help. I need help on this query letter, because I don't think it's getting the job done. I also need help on the first 50 pages of my manuscript. Oh, and the ending. It sucks too.

I need help.

There, I said it. Now, of course, I have no idea how to actually get some help. I've put the query up on numerous online sites and have paid very close attention to the valid criticisms. I've made changes accordingly. But the fact is, agents are reading my query and rejecting me -- sometimes in record time. Something needs to be done before I run out of agents to query.

So I'm asking you, dear readers: How do I get help with this? Shall I post the query again and see if we can somehow figure out what its problem is? Whatever it takes, I'll do it. I'm that desperate. Seriously.

And while I'm not ready to dump TDYDK yet, I am beginning to suspect that it may end up being a fairly decent first attempt. The latest beta did say he felt my writing becomes more sophisticated as the book moves along. I suspect that's due to the fact that I honestly didn't know what I was doing when I started it back in February 2007.

In fact, I suspect I love the new WIP so much because I know what I'm doing now. I think it flows better, is more professional. Is more publishable.

But see, I have this huge MS just sitting here, finished, so I will try to keep selling it. I will continue to query and will make whatever adjustments I can until I am convinced that it's a non-starter. Then, I will park it on the hard drive and sell it once I become a famous best-selling author. (Heh heh.)

I've also signed up for an Editors Intensive workshop by Writer's Digest at their Cincinnati headquarters in September. The workshop's purpose is to get the first 50 pages of your MS in shape. Also, I get a 30-minute one-on-one meeting with a professional editor who is supposed to work with me on those crucial first 50 pages. God knows, I need it.

Problem is, I don't know which book to bring. The completed one that might not ever sell? Or the new one that represents my best efforts so far? I hope I'll have a better read on that come September.

I'm also interested in some kind of online writing crit group. I read about people being in crit groups all the time, either online or in real life. Since I live in Peoria, Illinois, and I don't know one other fiction writer in the area, doing it in real life is a problem. So does anyone know how to get into an online critique group?

I'm listening. I love writing, and want to continue doing it as long as I can. So I'm all ears.

UPDATES: I have reached 20,000 words on the new political thriller (I really need to come up with a name for the damned thing). It's coming along very nicely so far. In fact, it's such fun to write I almost feel like I'm doing something wrong. Surely it can't be this enjoyable, can it?

Also, a reader asked me how the situation with the grouchy old lady at the gym turned out. Well. Ahem. I, uh, changed my schedule. So the situation is now, um, resolved.