The joy of writing

I rolled up my sleeves and got back to work today. As some of you know, I've put the theological book on hold and have gone back to the political novel. It just feels right, especially since book one, The Devil You Don't Know, is kind of languishing in query land right now.

I've made a deal with myself. I'm going to finish this current book by the end of the year -- a timetable I find very reachable considering how well it's going. I already have 15k done and blasted out about a thousand more today.

Meanwhile, I'm going to continue to fine tune TDYDK based on any feedback I get from betas. I also plan on sending out a handful of queries each week and retooling the query itself based on the types of rejections I'm getting. Who knows? Maybe lightning will strike and an agent will be interested. If so, great. If not, well then, I'll consider the book my learner's book and move on. I suspect very few writers actually get the first manuscript they write published. And while the money grows tighter each day, I've decided to press on.

I really like this new book. It's a completely different direction from the previous one and I actually enjoy writing it. I know this sounds weird, but when I think of the first book, I see the colors black and blue in my mind's eye. When I think of this one, I see orange and yellow. It's just not as depressing a book, despite some nasty violence and some big-time suspense.

I'm also curious about your writing schedules (for you writers out there). I decided to get up much earlier, hitting the gym by 6 or so and getting home by 8 to begin writing. I'm not sure why, but it just sounded like a good thing to do. But I'm so frigging exhausted right now that I'm having second thoughts.

For many years, while I was working at the newspaper, I had to be at work before 8 a.m. I got up every morning at 4:30 (yes, you read that correctly!) and headed for the gym, which opens at 5 on weekdays. I'd get home by 7 and be out the door a few minutes later. I lived this way for many years.

But when I left the paper, I discovered the joys of late-night television. From Scrubs to Letterman to Craig Ferguson, I'm usually not asleep until 12:30 or 1 a.m. I get up a little before 7, have a couple cups of coffee, watch Morning Joe on MSNBC and spend some time with the wife and kids before we all leave the house about 8:15. This gets me home about 10:30. I cook and eat brunch, read for an hour or so and write in the afternoons.

I usually only write during the week, although I've been known to work on Sunday evenings. I know there are writers out there who swear you have to write every day if you're going to be a real writer. But I really like to keep weekends for myself and my family.

Now this has served me well, but I can't shake the feeling that I might be more efficient if I wrote in the mornings and goofed off in the afternoons (you know, when the Cubs are usually on television).

So tell me, what's your writing routine? When do you write and for how long each day? Do you write on weekends, or just on weekdays?

I want change

I'm sitting here missing my wife, who is currently stranded at Chicago's O'Hare Airport while American Airlines is scrambling to find a regional jet that actually works.

I kind of hope they do, you know?

Anyway, it's been a dreary, stormy weekend and her absence has made a particularly tough week even worse. It's nothing serious, mind you, just my usual fits and starts when it comes to my confidence. And my work.

But since I can't do anything about my manuscript (well, I could. But I'm done with it), I decided to come up a list of things I'd like to change about myself in the coming weeks. Oh, I'm also considering attending my first writers' conference this fall in Cincinnati. We'll see.

So here's nine things I'd like to change about myself:

1. I would like to be more confident, about my work and myself. I really am my own worst enemy. If someone tells me they like my novel, I immediately suspect they're lying. If they say it sucks, I take it as gospel. I really would like to reach a point in my life where I no longer give a crap what others think of me. I mean really, it's not junior high anymore, you know?

2. I'd like to be a better husband to my wife. I'm not a bad one, mind you. I don't drink or screw around or mistreat her. I don't lie to her and I tell her I love her several times a day. We've barely argued in the 17 years we've known each other and we remain each other's best friend. But I know I could do better. God knows, she deserves it.

3. I'd like to be a better father. Again, I'm not a bad one. I love my kids more than I love myself and I would walk across broken glass for any of them. I would. But sometimes, I yell at them -- especially the two older ones. Sometimes, I wish I could just be their friend, but I'm convinced that doesn't work. So I am the disciplinarian, whether I like it or not. But I really didn't have much of a father, so I really pretty much started from scratch. But I will say I'm a far better father than I ever thought I'd be. Sometimes, that's enough.

4. I'd like to be a better listener. I don't have a ton of close friends (by choice, unfortunately; I'm borderline antisocial. It's true), but those I have like to talk to me. About their lives. Their loves. Their pain. Their innermost secrets. I don't know why this is, but it's true. So why do I want to be a better listener? Because sometimes they bore the living shit out of me. God, I can't believe I just wrote that. But it's true. I nod sympathetically and say all the right things, but sometimes I wish I could really be there for them rather than just nodding and saying all the right things. Oh well, fake it 'till you make it, I always say.

5. I'd like to be a better Christian. Whoa. That'll cost me some followers. But yes, I am a Christian. A really, really bad one. I go to church (but not always), and sometimes I pray. But I cuss like a sailor and sometimes I lust for women in my heart and all that other stuff. Ahem. But I try. I really do. I became a Christian slowly over the years, after becoming deeply spiritual in the 12-step program that saved my ass more than twenty years ago. I still find that particular brand of spirituality superior. Well, most of the time. For me, Christianity comes alive when working with poor people in places like Tres Reyes, Mexico. To me, that's what the Bible means. Doing for others. Unselfishness. But I am a very liberal Christian and the Religious Right often rubs me the wrong way. But I'm trying. Anyone who has ever read Anne Lamott's wonderful books on spirituality will know what I'm talking about.

6. I'd like to be a better writer. Not that I think I'm a bad writer. No. But sometimes I think my reach exceeds my grasp. And that really pisses me off. I wish I had the talent to get down on paper all of the wonderfully complex thoughts and images that fill my head every second of the day. But I can't. I try, though. And I intend to keep on honing my skills so that someday, I might get there. Slowly. Slowly. (Ack. Adverbs!)

7. I'd like to be a better son. This one is tough for me. My father is dead, killed in a horrific car-train accident in 1996. My mother and I have not spoken in years. The last time we spoke on the phone -- the night before I left to spend two months in the dangerous jungles of South America in August of 2005 -- I told her I love her. And she hung up on me. Still, I wish I could be a better man about it. I wish I could forgive her. I really do. But I cannot. Not yet. Maybe never. So I live with the regret and resentments. Life ain't fair and people don't act right. And that's the end of that tune.

8. I'd like to have better personal boundaries. Because if I did, I wouldn't keep writing this intensely personal shit on my blog. And then people in my life would stop getting pissed at me. But what can I say? It's who I am.

9. I wish I was less vain. This kind of goes along with the confidence one above, although it's slightly different. I really am vain, although I go to great lengths to give the impression that I'm not. But I hit the gym five days a week and am always watching my weight. Why? Who the hell knows. I just know that I always think that if I just looked better, I'd be better. But that's never been the case, and I know it. I used to dye my hair because it started going silver at a fairly young age. About three years ago, I just stopped. It was really hard, because I was afraid someone would think I was my youngest son's grandfather. But it turns out my hair looks really cool and silvery on the sides, so now it just feeds my vanity. Sigh.

I don't have anything left, although I really wanted to get to ten. Do you have anything about yourself that you wish you could change? Want to get honest about it? If you do, hit the comment button and fire away. I won't judge you. I promise. And I promise here to work on all nine of those above. Scout's honor.

Have a wonderful Sunday night.